The Love Complex
by Miss Peg
Summary: Tibby and Brian, when things take a turn for the worse. Tibby POV.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Songs Bethany Joy Lenz - Halo. I do not own the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants and I may be likely to make mistakes with timings, etc. But of course it is fiction.**

_I never promised you a ray of light_

_I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday_

_I'll give you everything I have_

_the good, the bad_

"What's wrong?" he asked, brushing her cheek with his fingers.

"Nothing." she lied.

"Oh."

She could hear the disappointment in his voice, she wanted to tell him what was bothering her, but she didn't. His eyes glazed over, a look of fright covered his face. He knew she had lied as much as he knew something was wrong. After all, he knew her well.

"It's nothing." she smiled, trying to act happy. He sat up, pulling the soft skin of his chest away from her and covering it was a shirt. She felt cold and uncomfortable in the absence of his heart beating in parallel to her own.

"It's late." he sighed.

Don't go. She wanted to say it, the words hovered on the tip of her tongue, but dissolved into the darkened room. She felt sleepy and wanted to lie in Brian's arms until she dreamt only of him. It _was _late and her parents would be home soon. Even though they did allow Brian to stay over, she nodded in agreement.

"Goodnight Tibby." he mumbled under his breath, walking out of the room before she could respond.


	2. Chapter 2

_why do you put me on a pedestal?_

_I'm so up high that I cant see the ground below_

_so help me down, you've got it wrong_

_I don't belong there_

They met up the next day, the night before becoming a distant memory. She wanted to ask him how he felt, she wanted him to shout and scream and tell her she was wrong to keep things from him. But he didn't. Instead they watched a movie, then went for ice cream. He'd ordered vanilla; it was safe, dependable and ultimately always there. Just like Brian. Tibby, on the other hand, ordered chocolate, raspberry swirl with nuts; she liked to live on the edges, away from the normal. Just for the sake of being different. She tried to think of all the reasons Brian liked her, but her mind went blank.

"Tibby?" Brian asked, stopping. She peered up at his eyes; two deep brown caves in which she often liked to explore. But tonight she feared what she might see in them, so she rapidly looked away. His body was shaking, which troubled her.

"Yes?" she managed to say.

"Will you…now you've finished college…will you move in with me?"

Her heart skipped a beat. In her last year of college he had spent almost every night in her dorm room and it had felt like the most normal thing anybody could do. But here he was asking her to live in the same house with him, forever. Well not exactly forever, but that sort of commitment usually led to other commitments; marriage, children. Her mind raced ahead fifty years, before she stopped herself. She hated change, she always had. But this was supposed to be a good change.

Tibby risked looking into Brian's eyes; the night before he had left her alone because she'd let him grow distant and now he was stood before her as though none of that mattered. Those deep eyes full of anything but hate or anger, just love. A love where he saw no faults, no problems, all he saw was happiness and her, Tibby, as perfect. That was the problem.


	3. Chapter 3

_one thing is clear_

_I wear a halo, I wear a halo when you look at me_

_but standing from here_

_you wouldn't say so,_

_you wouldn't say so if you were me_

_and I, I just wanna love you_

_whoa whoa I, I just wanna love you_

"I need to…think." she gasped, lowering her gaze. Brian's eyes held expectations; a hope, a need that she would say yes. But she couldn't do it, not just yet.

"Oh." he muttered, equally disappointed as he had been the night before.

She felt stifled by the humid summer weather, the cool breeze doing nothing to ease her suffering. Tibby wondered if she deserved this, to be choked to death by a heat wave that only got hotter. It would be an excruciatingly painful way to die.

Brian stared at his shoes, his hands in his pockets. She stared at the small hills on his t-shirt where his body shaped naturally. She began to remember each time she had touched him, the smooth skin of his upper torso leaving her breathless. In the beginning it was frightening; crossing a barrier that would close as soon as it was passed. But it was exhilarating also, the thought of each touch of her skin on his, each taste of his lips.

"I have to go." Tibby announced, several hours earlier than she had planned. He frowned, but she could see the look of love in his eyes, that meant it didn't matter if she left now or in three hours because Brian would treasure every moment as though it were their last. Right there, in that moment, he saw her as everything he wanted and she knew that all she wanted, was to feel the same way.


	4. Chapter 4

_I always said that I would make mistakes_

_I'm only human and that's my saving grace_

_I'll fall as hard as I try_

_so don't be blinded_

_see me as I really am_

_I have flaws and sometimes I'm even sad_

_so pull me from that pedestal_

_I don't belong there_

She started to walk away, knowing that if she carried on going, maybe she wouldn't ever turn back. The memory of the disappointment in Brian's eyes, followed by the look of eternal love made her turn to face him.

"I can't." she informed him, making a rash decision.

"Maybe you could think more?" he asked, hopeful. But she shook her head.

Tibby felt something snap. She wanted to be gentle, to let him down easily, but something stopped her.

"I don't want to move in with you Brian."

"W, why?"

"Because I don't love you."

He looked at her, his eyes falling with disappointment and for the first time, hurt. A feeling she had barely seen in him since they had got together. She didn't know why she'd said it because there was a large part of her that wanted nothing more than to live happily ever after with the boy…man…that she loved. He used to be a boy, a glasses wearing dork who played computer games all day. But now he had changed, grown in many ways. He was taller, his shoulders grew up and out, the definition of his muscles forming a body that she longed to touch. The endless hours she used to spend following the lines his muscles made, from wrist, to elbow, to shoulder, all the way down his chest and back up the other side. She didn't know why the words fell from her lips, but something had made it happen. Doubt? Fear? She didn't know, the only thing she did know was that she didn't mean it.


	5. Chapter 5

_like you think that you know me_

_but in your eyes_

_I am something worthy_

_only in your mind_

_only in your mind_

Silence. He didn't speak and she was afraid too. She stared at the floor, hoping to feel his eyes on her head, but it didn't happen. The air had changed. The stifling heat had now become icy cold. Tibby wondered if it was the weather, or her mind. She rubbed her bare arms wishing she'd brought a jacket. It never mattered before because Brian always let her wear his. Now she could sense an inner battle between himself over whether to show his love by giving her his jacket, or leave her freezing to punish her. She knew which one she deserved.

"I'm sorry." she muttered.

The words were barely attached to her as she said them. She wanted to take it back. Then her and Brian could finish their ice cream and walk home, hand in hand as though nothing had ever happened. Their lips joining in a farewell at her door. Her brother and sister begging him to stay for dinner. Just how it used to be. Tibby heard footsteps walking away from her and she finally looked up. Seeing only the back of him left her knees weak. I didn't mean it, she wanted to shout. But she couldn't. She was frozen in her own fear of what would have happened if she had said yes.


End file.
